........Life's Mix........

Lucky Me

2006-10-23T20:17:00.000-07:00

Lucky Me
Originally uploaded by Noelle J.

I know I havn't posted in a while and I don't have a lot of time so this isn't going to be long.

I am so lucky. I have a boy who loves me so much. He is the best friend I could ever ask for. He makes me so happy. I have been really busy latly and so I have been getting slitely frustrated and he has stuck with me every minute even when I was angry.

I don't know how I got him but I'm keeping him.

(I am also very lucky to have many other great friends who care about me and who I can rely on when I need them most, I love you all)

Noelle

Still Alive

2006-06-18T08:50:00.000-07:00

my appologise for taking so long to post again life has been a little crazy with work and all. Work is going really well...this past week I worked about 5 hours of overtime... I only get paid extra for one of those house but it's all good. But it's been crazy busy there, hence why I've been neglecting my blog. It is hard getting used to not being at home but I think I'm doing alright. The thing that bugs me the most about not being home is the fact that I can swim in a lake for free at home. Here you have to pay anywhere from $4-$10 for a decent place to swim. Makes me realize how much of a luxury being able to live at home was. I have tampered with the idea of going home but I just can't pass up this job oportunity... This job fits my life perfectly, the hours, the pay, the fact that I can stay on full time in the fall if they hire me on for good, it's just too good. Beside since I have weekends off I can go home sometimes and enjoy my time with my family and friends and water. Anyway that about it for now

Noelle

This Summer

2006-05-08T15:13:00.000-07:00

I am so blessed! I got a Job today... it is perfect, I've been looking for a job that pays fairly well and is only from monday till friday and is close, possibly something I can do in the fall also. Today I got a call from McDonald Green (an agency I applied to, to help me find a job) and they said that there was a position available at Saucony Canada (a warehouse) this position pays $11 and is from 8-4:30 Monday through Friday, and it is only a 10min drive away and if I do a good job they will keep me on in the fall as well.... absolutely perfect! I am so excited... but nervous at the same time, I start tomorrow. But it is definatly an Answer to prayers!

I will be staying in cambridge for the summer, this gives me a range of emotions... I am nervouse, because it's the first time being away from Haliburton for the summer... Excited, because I get to be somewhat independent... Sad, because I don't get to go swimming whenever I want... Happy, because I'm not Flagging for 12 hours a day outside in the heat. To say the least I havn't quit figured out how I feel about it... but I am glad that Craig is going to be staying in cambridge as well, so I have some support. Plus I will be going home some weekends, so this is good.

I went to a wedding this past Weekend, Alison and Joels... it went really well! Craig and I sang at it which was a great experience and I loved it! however the weekend was a little stressful so it was good that I didn't start work today, I needed a day to just sit back. Anyway thats about it for now.. I'll keep this updated and let you know how the job is.

Noelle

Easter Weekend

2006-04-18T20:44:00.000-07:00

Here are some of the things that I did over the Easter Weekend;

1. Drove home (3 hours) with Craig
2. Ate dinner with my parents (and Craig)
3. Learned how to ride the Motorcycle
4. Watched some TV and a Movie
5. Went to bed
6. Woke up late, Ate Lunch
7. Went for a walk with Craig, saw the horses/cats
8. um... hung out with Craig
9. I forget
10. I'm sure I ate sometimes
11. Rode the Motorcycle again
12. Did some more stuff
14. Went to church
15. Lunch with the fam
16. Dinner at friends
17. saw dad's pictures watched a Movie and more sleep
18. Drove to Orillia to Mall, shopped with dad got a motorcycle helmet, shopped with mom got a new outfit
19. Drove back to Cambridge
20. Had dinner with my boy

And thats about it... um... I guess... But ya, so all in all it was great! I loved being home and being able to spend some time with my family and my boy.

This week I am doing placement, I have done my first day already and it went pretty well! I think it is going to be a good week, mornings will be tough but I can handle it. Thats all Folks!

p.s. new pictures on photo blog!

Noelle

Goin' Home for Easter

2006-04-12T15:57:00.000-07:00

Things are going fairly well for me at the moment. I have placement starting next week and it looks like it's going to be really good. I just went to meet with the lady that I will be doing placement with (in a public school, community classroom with children who have Downs and Autism) and she seemed really really nice and so did the other teachers that are working in that classroom so I think it's going to be a great experience for me.

I'm also excited to go home this weekend, I can't wait to be able to sleep in my own bed for a while, I hope I'll be able to sleep. Craig is coming with me so that will be good, he's been busy with school work and we havn't been able to spend a lot of time together for the last little while so I hope this weekend will be good for us. It'll also be good to spend some more time with my family and stuff. All in all it should be good. Anyway thats about it for now, I'll keep you updated, see ya

Noelle

Tonight

2006-04-02T20:55:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like you just want to be held? Like all you need to calm you and keep you safe and warm is for someone to wrap their arms around you and hold on tight? well... tonight... I feel like that. I feel very cuddly and like I just want to be held forever and I don't like feeling this way... I'm sure eventually, like say... when I'm married ... I will like feeling this way.... but right now, I don't like it. I'm also feeling kind of out of it... like I'm tiered but not tiered enough to sleep yet so that doesn't help the situation. I think I'm going to lay down and read and write for a while... maybe I'll spend some time in prayer I think I could use it. I'll be sure to keep you updated!

later,

No-L

Content

2006-03-27T21:14:00.000-08:00

Right now I am feeling very content... I'm not too worried about anything and I'm not stressed out. I have decided that I am going to try and find a job around here (Cambridge) for the summer and live here because I have a class at Conestoga on Wednesday nights until the end of June. I also figured that if I got a job then I would be able to possibly keep it through the year next year because I will have a lot of time on my hand seeing as I will only have about 2 classes per semester. Anyway I'm excited to do something new and different and I hope that it will all work out for me... and if not, I might just end up going back to Hali and working construction again. Either way I will find my way back to Hali on most weekends to relax by the water and visit my Family. Even though I maybe should be stressed about weather I'm going to get a job I feel fine, I'm not sure why but I'm not going to think about it too much. I am really happy at the moment and I think part of it might have to do with the fact that Craig and I are doing really well as I've mentioned before in numerous blogs... but it's true, I am really happy. Anyway that’s about it for now, I'll blog again soon but until then have a good one

Noelle

Just a quick and sad note

2006-03-19T18:23:00.000-08:00

One of my newts, Julius, passed away last night... I have concluded that it was because he never ate... I tried many different times and ways to feed him but he just wouldn't eat... I'm wondering if Norton (the other newt) was a bully and took all of his food because he is fat.. but I did try feeding them separate... never-the-less he has passed on and I hope that Norton lives a good long life now that he has all the food to himself... even more. Anyway it's sad but I'm over it, luckely I kind of saw it coming. thats all for now!

No-L

Life and such

2006-03-14T22:16:00.000-08:00

At the moment, life is pretty good! things are going well and I am learning lots and having fun so thats good. I didn't do so well on a test that I've just recently had however I'm over it and hopefully I will pass the course. Conestoga is going well my marks there are still very good so that makes me happy. Things with Craig are going AMAZING, we've said the 'L' word and I have never felt this way about anyone before. He is so sweet and caring, I love how he kisses my cheek and is always there to tell me that everything is going to be ok, I love spending time with him and talking to him. So thats really really really good, I think that if I didn't have him right now I woudln't be all that happy however he outweighs so much of the bad things in life so that I can just be content. It's good times! anyway thats about it... not too much more to say I think I've already mentioned that i'm singing in 3 weddings this summer and am a bridesmaid in one that is going to be in September so it's gunna be a pretty busy summer to say the least but it should be fun. Thats about it I'll update soon and keep you posted (there are more pictures on my photo blog... go check them out!) see ya

No-L

Reading week and such

2006-02-27T22:46:00.000-08:00

Reading week was really good, it took me a while to actually get relaxed and able to enjoy myself but I eventually managed to do that. It was great having 2 of my closest friends (Leanne and Craig) with me at my place in hali for the entire week. Over all I really needed to get away and that definatly help a lot.

On the way home from our adventure we decided to go to Toronto to see if we could pick up the newts that I've wanted for quite some time and to just hang out and such... Anyway I ended up getting the Newts YAY(Norton and Julius... for pictures see my photo blog) and I also got a dress and other various items to go with the dress (I bought the dress to wair to some of the numerous weddings that I have to attend this summer) Anyway all in all it was good times.

I am doing well lately I think that after being able to just relax for the week I'm calmer and able to think streight so thats good. I hope that I am able to stay happy from now on... realistically it won't happen however I can always hope and pray. Anyway thats about it, I'll blog next time something exciting happens but until then ....

adios amigo

Noelle

A rise in frustrations

2006-02-13T20:09:00.000-08:00

Lately I've been getting frustrated really easily and I can't figure out why. It seems like even tiny little things are bugging me... If you know me you know that I really don't get frustrated too often... I mean frustrated to a point that I actually show it. When it does happen I get frustrated with myself for it happening and that just makes me over all even more frustrated then I was to start... all in all it's not a good situation. It also sucks because it's so up and down like one second I'll be fine and the next I'll be fuming... it doesn't make sence. However I am determined to eather get over this fast or figure out what exactly it is that is bothering me. I know I'll get through it and usually I just need to sleep it off... only thing is that lately I havn't been able to sleep very well (which could be the root of my problem) so... ya... it sucks.. however I'm over it

I am so excited for this coming week Craig, Leanne and I are gunna be headin home to Hali... it's gunna be good... I get to see my friends from home, meet my brother (Jeremy)'s girlfriend, and hang out with 2 of my best friends... Oh and sleep in my own bed... mmmmm.... So I think everything will be good. I'm sure this will help with whatever is going on with me right now too! woot

Thats about it, Chow! (check new pics on my pic blog!)

No-L

Think

2006-01-29T19:07:00.000-08:00

An Addition to the Previous Posts

"Too busy being down to look up!"

To sum it all up... so many people today are too busy worrying and being down that they forget to look up for help... (Craig’s latest blog reminded me that I forgot to mention this)... God is there for you, he always has been and always will be! That’s just how it is!

When I think about it, I've spent so much time being down that I forget how to be up... all the time... Before college I was always happy... I didn't know what depression was... And now it seems to be the only thing I focus on... I mean sure everyone feels sad at times but that doesn't mean that they're getting depressed... just means that they are feeling sad... It doesn't have to stay... God can be a great upper... you can look to him in any situation. You can find peace and refuge under his wings. No matter what you can always rely on him.

My goal is to stop feeling down... seems like an unrealistic goal... but here is what I am going to do... Whenever I feel even the least bit sad I'm going to first... look at WHY I'm feeling that way... 2nd pray about it... 3rd think about how it's not the end of the world and there is no use worrying about it... and finally just live!

So maybe you don't feel that this solution would help you any... spend some time thinking about what would help you... when your down, are you actually down... or are you just so used to feeling sad at times that if you don't you feel like a goof or like there is something wrong with you... In any case... look to God and don't forget to think about it... too many people live life without thinking about why they feel the way that they do... so... think!

Noelle

What's the Point? (kinda... blabby)

2006-01-28T23:04:00.000-08:00

I worry...

A Lot

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But isn't that what most people do? When you’re facing the life ahead of you, how can you not?

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I have decided that worrying ... is an illness! Even when things are going well, I worry… about everything and anything. I don’t know weather it is because I focus too much on how I am not perfect and neither is my life… or if it is just because I take to much time thinking about weather I really am doing things right. I worry about my past… I worry about my future…

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What’s the Point?

There is no point in worrying… Life holds too many secrets… too many surprises… if your worried about each and every one of them there is no possible way that you are going to enjoy any of them. When looking at the future I am excited… I can actually look forwards and even though I don’t know if everything is going to work out… I still know that it doesn’t have to… Because no matter what in the end things will be all right… and even if they aren’t at least I tried my best!

When I worry about my placement coming up in April… I think… what’s the point in worrying? The only thing that will do is make me more nervous and then I will do even worse then I thought I might do. Of course you can be a little worried about these things… but never to the point where you are actually considering dropping out of school so that you don’t have to do it.

When I worry about weather I am meant to be an EA or not I also think… what’s the point? If I don’t try I’ll never know… I am doing better in school then I ever have… it could be because I am not doing as much… but I think it is because I am doing something that I am truly interested in, that’s gotta say something! Besides… life is either too short or too long to worry about those things, if it’s too short then I should just go for it… and if it’s too long then what they hey I can always try something else if it turns out that it’s not the thing for me!

I worry about my relationship… why? I don’t know… I am with this great guy who thinks the world of me… So what he’s not some doctor who makes a ton of money and can support me no matter what! He is still brilliant, loves all the same things as I do, he is a great writer and he truly loves to worship God… what more could I ask for. Sure there are things that get me, sometimes I’m annoyed… but in what relationship aren’t you annoyed at times… if your in one let me know, I want to know what kind of fantasy your living! So he isn’t like the perfect man you see in the movies… but he’s perfect for me… sure the sweet things would be nice… but in reality there isn’t a man like the perfect movie man. My boy suits me… what else matters? Plus if it doesn’t work out then it doesn’t … but I’ve gotta give it a chance!

I worry about being on my own… Do I really need to? Sure I have to be on my own sometime, and that’s fine, why worry about it, it doesn’t have to happen right away. No need huffing and puffing over these things I might blow my life down… (Excuse the pun) …

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I guess what I’m trying to say is… Why Worry?

There are a huge percentage of people out there who are only depressed because they worry too much. When you really think about it… what’s the point?

Life goes on… isn’t that what everyone says? Well… it’s true… life does go on… so you mess up on a paper… life goes on, you can always try harder next time or... maybe it isn’t the course for you… who knows… but life continues. When you do something wrong at work and your boss has to talk to you… life goes on, so you messed up, you learn from that mistake and move on… something I came up with the other day was that "Not everyone can be employee of the month… EVER" no one is perfect… some people may be well suited to their jobs but no one is good at everything… and even if you are in the job that is right for you doesn’t mean your going to be perfect at it.

Live life… don’t worry about it! I know I will be a little more careful of what I’m worrying about from now on… and I hope you will be too!

Noelle

P.S... Wanna see me in pink? Check out my Photo Blog!

Life as it Seems

2006-01-24T22:48:00.000-08:00

Life is pretty good, I have great friends, a great boyfriend, my schools are good, I'm doing fairly well this year, I'm doing a lot of music stuff

and yet...

I feel down sometimes, not like so down that I want to sit in my room and cry, but down enough that I wish that I could have some sort of release. I never know if the program that I am taking in school is actually what I am supposed to be doing, I always wonder what else is out there and if I'm doing the right thing for now. I am also struggling with some social issues, I used to be really good at striking up conversations with people and getting people talking. Now I can't even get myself to talk, but when I do get talking I'm fine, it just frustrates me because I don't know what happened, though I think it's mostly just because I'm only just figureing out who I am.

I think I figured it out...

Basically I have this theory, which isn't so much "my" theory, as it is a bunch of different ones put together. I think in the age that I am in right now it is hard to socialize and to really be too sure of anything. I’m in a stage where most of the people around me are either more immature then I am, more mature, or the same maturity level and using their time doing schoolwork, which I don’t have that much of. So it is hard to fit in, some people have figured out exactly what they want to do, some people are too busy goofing off, to even care what they want to do… Then there is me, I am trying so hard to figure out what I want to do or if what I’m doing is right that I miss out on some of the things that I could be doing. I don’t know if this makes any sense but I guess I could put it this way. In this part of my life things are hard, things are always going to be hard, but it will always be hard in different ways. As I grow older I will get used to each stage of my life, I will get used to the trials that that stage of life holds and then I will move past it and learn from it.

There are a lot of people in this world who need to learn to let go… let go of their fear of rejection, let go of their constant need to have everything figured out (never gunna happen) and let go of their past. There is no way that anyone can move forwards if they are too worried about their past and if they think that they have to have their whole life planned out… You need to live your life, don’t worry about what will happen, and focus on what is happening. Otherwise you are going to miss out on the fine things in life.

Don’t beet yourself up if you can’t have your whole life planned out. In reality, that isn’t practical. Things happen in life that are unexpected, and that’s is what makes life exciting. Don’t get down just because your life isn’t going as planned, embrace what you have, your friends, your family, even your job or school. Be thankful and move on.

Noelle

What I like about My Boy (cheesy)

2006-01-12T12:32:00.000-08:00

How much he loves God!

His eyes

His goofy smile

His Handsome face

His Heart for Worship

His voice both singing and speaking

His amazing ability to write music

The way he plays guitar/piano

How he is there for me even when he isn't doing that well himself

The way I fit so nicely in his arms
When he kisses me on the cheek

How he laughs at me even when I'm being a total nerd

How he likes movies just as much as I do

How he likes sports even extreme ones like me

How we can do ANYTHING together and have fun... even just sitting

His style

The way that he looks at me

How a hug from him can cheer me up even on a "down day"

How he is just as cheesy as I am (hem hem... ie... this blog... CHEESECAKE)

Well... I'm sure there is much much more that I could say... but I don't want to go overboard on the cheesiness... Craig you rock! just wanted to let you know that! um.. ya..

Noelle

Back to the Grind (whatever that means)

2006-01-07T10:21:00.000-08:00

So when I first got back to school i was a little stressed out... I think I have a good reason for that but maybe thats just me lol... in a total of 3 days I went from Florida to Home Then back to school. (all driving) so needless to say it was a lot of driving lol. Anyway I'm doing better now but it took a little bit to unwined it helped having my boy here though! Didn't help that I've got a cold and have been feeling sick the past week or so. Anyway my holiday was pretty good, I enjoyed it more then usual, but it was still good to get back. I don't really have much to say ... I'm gunna post some pictures from my adventures on my picture blog if you want to see what I was upto! k... see ya

No-L

Christmas

2005-12-23T18:35:00.000-08:00

Well I'm home now and Christmas is coming fast. Seems like just yesterday when I would leap from my bed at 1am rush into the living room and look at all the gifts that Santa had left for my family... With a huge smile on my face I would dash to the heating vent in my room (through which I could talk to my brother in the room below) and Yell "JEREMY JEREMY SANTA CAME!!!" lol after which I would get yelled at and know that later on that day I would get it! Oh man those were the days lol. I still remember the bruises left from waking my brothers up at 1am just to tell them that Santa (who they already knew was my parents) was here! lol.

Christmas has changed a lot since then, now I'm not so much excited to see the presents that are waiting under the tree for me, but More so I'm excited to give the gifts that I have waiting for others under the tree. I love seeing the look on someone’s face when you have given them something that they really enjoy... and That is what I'm excited for!

Being home is not going as badly as most years, I seem to get along with my brothers better then other years and have just been enjoying catching up on sleep and just relaxing. I think Florida will be different this year as well, and I will find out soon, Though I will miss talking to my friends while I'm gone (especially my boy ;) )

Well today a dear ran in to the side of our car... Jeremy and I were driving home from Bracebridge and as we were almost to Carnarvon I spotted a dear at the side of the road ( and you know dear once they see a car they seem to think that running onto the road is the smart thing to do) anyway we swerved around the first dear and then next dear ran head-first into the back of our car (no damage was done) but we very easily could have swerved right into the ditch seeing as the road conditions were ridiculously slippery. But all is well and the dear was fine, it kinda just got up and ran off. Not even a scratch on the car... I think someone’s lookin out for us! well I KNOW God is lol.

Thats about it for now, till next time, Have a Merry Christmas

No-L

P.S. New pics on my Photo Blog

Soon be Home

2005-12-15T18:43:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow morning I leave for my long trek to Haliburton, 3 hours to be specific... probably more in this weather. Anyway I am excited to be going home, especially since my wonderful boyfriend will be accompanying me all the way.

Normally I am eager to get home for the holidays, and I am this year as well, just maybe not as much. Sometimes when I am at home I tend to feel lonely. It's not that I don't love being with my family because I really do. But I guess I am the kind of person who needs some friends around me and it's hard in Haliburton because most of my friends there are either to busy to hang out with me, or they "forget" to call me. Anyway I know for sure that the first week home will be fine. It helps that Craig is coming with me and will be staying for the weekend and a bit, and it also helps that Christmas is coming and I will actually be home for Christmas for the first time in 2 years.

Then after that we will be heading to Florida. I do love Florida, but I think I find the same issues with it as I do home. No friends, I love my brothers but for the most part they do stuff together and I am left to find something to occupy myself. My family generally likes just sitting on the beach reading or tanning or whatever, but I am the kind of person who has to be always doing something... Sure I can sit on the beach for a bit.. but definitely not all day long. It helps that I can go surfing or watch the dolphins but those are only things you can do in specific conditions and those are the days when my family doesn't want to be at the beach anyway.. well the surfing days anyway. Luckily my dad and brothers like surfing as well so I can do that with them.. those days are fun. I guess I just have to start getting good at occupying my time... I know I can read for a bit.. but it is kinda hard to read on the beach.. it's either too bright or not very comfortable, but I could try that for a bit. I guess I'll figure something out... sometimes I either wish that I could take a friend or two down with me or I wish that I could just stay so that I could at least talk to my friends online. But I know that all in all I will have a good time, even if I am feeling lonely, and who knows this year could be different, you never know. I think I should go with a possitive attitude and that might help things as well... It would help if I wasn't such a big chicken too, maybe I'd actually make some friends down there.

Well wish my luck for my drive home tomorrow, and I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas! I will probably be blogging soon! But until then, have a good one

and Craig, thanks so much for coming with me tomorrow, makes me a little less worried about driving in the snow and a lot more excited to be going!

No-L

Need to Vent

2005-12-13T11:28:00.000-08:00

MY ROOMATES ARE MESSY!

the end

just kidding, but ya sometimes they don't clean up after themselves and then it just piles up and only a couple of us actually care about it.It's just really annoying ugh... thats all I wanted to say

No-L

Banquet/ Narnia

2005-12-10T09:43:00.000-08:00

Last night was AMAZING... to start it off I went to the Christmas Banquet at my school, it was SO much fun. (probably helped that I actually had a date this year) Anyway ya, it's nice to get dressed up every once and a while. When I left the building to walk to the HCC, Craig was awating me in the fishbowl with a rose and a box of chocolates... now this may not seem like a big deal to some people, but this was the first time I'd ever gotten a flower from a boy (other then my dad). Anyway all in all it was a great night! The food was great, and the company wasn't bad eather!

Then after he banquet a bunch of us went to see Narnia... I was nervouse about seeing this movie because there have been so many times when I've been excited about a movie and got my hopes all up and then it has been just a really bad movie. Anyway I had no reason to worry it lived up to all of my expectations and MORE... I LOVED IT! It made me smile inside and out lol... to be cheesy! also helped that i saw it with some of my favorite people!

To top of the great night, a bunch of us went to timmys after, it was also a load of fun, watching leanne make a fool of herself because she is WAY to tiered. lol good times! Anyway thats about it!

No-L

No Longer Single!

2005-12-08T12:33:00.000-08:00

So.. yes it's true, I am no longer flying solo. Some might have seen it coming and some may not have, however it is here. Craig and I are now dating. Once upon a time I said that there was NO way I could date this boy and I listed a bunch of reasons that were blown way out of proportion and for the most part not a reality at all. ANYWAY after a lot of thought and prayer it's happened, I like him ... alot lol... I'm really happy! ... and ya.. excited! :D Craig.. your the best!

No-L

Papers and Such

2005-12-06T23:22:00.000-08:00

Recently I have been workin on 3 papers. One is due this wed @ 6 ... I started this paper a while ago but haven't gotten very far... today I got about 3 pages done before being told that I was doing it all wrong and had to re-do it ... So thank goodness I have AMAZING friends like Craig who can help me through the "new way" of writing the paper. So now I am not sure how many pages I have but I'm hopeing that I have at least 4 and a bit... which puts me at the halfway mark! But we shall see tomorrow. Anyway I don't know why I'm writing this... guess I was just frustrated that i was doing it wrong but thankful that I have friends that care about me enough to help me with my school work at 1am! When I am done this 8 page paper all I will have left is a 10 page paper and a 5 page paper... not too bad but we'll see how it all goes...

OH some exciting news is that I no longer have to go to stratford! I got into my classes in Kitchener this time so I will have a closer drive which makes me extremely happy! mhm... k I'm done

No-L

New pics

2005-11-24T12:12:00.000-08:00

There are a few new pictures posted on my other blog (random pics) check them out lemme know what you think!

No-L

Photos

2005-11-08T07:57:00.000-08:00

From now on any Photos that I post will be going onto my other blog "Random Pictures" which you can find by going through my profile and clicking on the "random Pictures" link at the botom of the page! thanks

Noelle

Epiphany

2005-11-03T11:52:00.001-08:00

1. A sudden manifestation of the essence or meaning of something.

2. A comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization: "I experienced an epiphany, a spiritual flash that would change the way I viewed myself" (Frank Maier).

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You know when the people around you are trying to make you realize something but you just aren't getting it, and you know how it feels when you actually do get it?

Lately I've been thinking a lot about who I am and what my strengths and weaknesses are. Usually when talking to someone about school and how I am doing I tend to say, "I suck at school, I can't pay attention, and I always get bad marks". Until recently I believed this statement to be true! When you tell someone something like that they tend to try and encourage you but often do not tend to push you to do better because they think that all that you can do it try. I have been thinking about that and how I really do not want people to think that about me because really, I have realized that, I can do well in school and sometimes I can pay attention and get good marks. The times when I can't do well are the times when I don't think that I can do well.

The same goes for most things in life. I know now that I need to stop talking myself down because I know that that isn't going to help anything and that I really am just overreacting. When most people do that you have to wonder if it is just for attention sometimes, and yes in my case some of the time it was for attention. I tend to think that I need all the encouragement I can get and sometimes the only way that people can get encouragement is by telling people that they are doing worse then they actually are. The only thing that was different in this was that I actually believed that I was not doing that well, but I emphasized it rather then also telling people what I was doing right. In this I believe that I was subconsciously trying to make people think that I am stupid even though in reality I am not, sometimes when it comes to school work it takes me a little more work to get through it but I can do it!

I really like helping people! If I could help everyone in my life right now that needed help I would be the happiest girl on earth, but in reality I can't. Going on the whole making myself seem stupid blurb, when you think about it why would your friends think that you can help them if they don't think that you can handle yourself in school or life and if they don't think that you are secure with who you are. I believe that I can help a lot of my friends with a lot of things. However, I also know that I have not told a lot of my friends what I've been going through because a lot of the time I numb myself from the world and become totally oblivious so that I myself don't even know what is going on with me. How should I expect my friends to come to me if I can't go to them. This might seem like a contradictory statement compared to the one above but when I say I don't talk about what’s going on with me I am not talking about school or smarts, I am talking about the emotional side of things.

At this point in my life the things that I am struggling with the most have to do with no one but myself. One of my largest problems at the moment is that I am still not sure what I want to do with my life. I am currently in an Educational Assistant program, which is going really well, however I am still not sure that that is what I want to be doing. I do believe however that I will work this out and I am not stressing about it at the moment because I know that God has a plan for me! Speaking of God, my relationship with God right now is going fairly well, there are still a lot of things that I need to do to help grow closer to him; Such as reading my bible, praying more, and thinking about him more often then not. I tend to forget to do these things and in that I feel that my relationship suffers, but I am working through it. At the moment I have no complaints, especially seeing as I have already worked out a lot of the larger issues (stated above) and I now no longer think myself to be stupid and can have more confidence in who I am.

So there you have it. In conclusion I just wanted to let you know that you are smart, even if you don't think you are, and you can get through anything! All that you have to do is believe in yourself! Don't look for attention, because eventually you convince yourself that you are what you really are not. Finally go to your friends for help, they love you so they will be able to support you no matter what!

That’s all for now,

Noelle Johnson

Just a Joke

2005-10-26T23:39:00.000-07:00

For those of you who didn't figure it out my last post was a joke.. I am well awair that my eyes are blue lol... Anyway we went Bowling tonight it was SOOO much fun.. oh man I had a blast it was good to just get out and have some fun! I'm posting pics of it soon... so good! Anyway no new news at the moment but I'll update as soon as I get some, see ya.

No-L

Eyes

2005-10-16T19:14:00.000-07:00

Someone once told me that my eyes were Haizel and Brown... and then just today someone else told me they thought they were brown... what color do YOU think they are?

2005-10-15T11:23:00.000-07:00

Candice and I... I thought this pic was cute so I had to put it on here... She is easily one of my best friends! Love ya buddy, DONE

Positive

2005-10-13T10:08:00.000-07:00

You know those days when you wake up and just feel like the world is crashing beneath you? This is not one of those days. In the past I probably could have told you that every day was one of those days. However not this time! Through the past year I have been struggling to keep a positive attitude because no matter what I did it just seemed like nothing was ever going to go right. After my job this summer I realized that it's all about your attitude towards things, for the first little while I would wake up for work and say here comes another crapy day standing on the side of the road for 12 hours then coming home and having no life. But when I got to work it really wouldn’t be as bad as I thought I even enjoyed it a few of the days. But what I found made a HUGE difference was when I started getting up in the morning and saying maybe this will be a good day. A couple of years ago I couldn't have done that and I would have gotten angry with anyone who said that I should just be positive and everything would go well. But now I realize that it really is about your attitude. As soon as I started waking up with a better attitude I started having better days and enjoying myself a little more. This is true with everything in life, granted I still do have my moments where the world is crashing and nobody is with me so life sucks. But for the most part I try to be positive and just take what the world throws at me!

Yesterday I went to a concert (thousand foot krutch and Hawk Nelson) It was SOOO good. I had a blast and the best part was that after the concert I got the opportunity to just chat with the bands I had met hawk nelson before and was friends with one of the guys from before he was even in that band. Anyway it was one of those times when you just wish that others could see that the members of those bands are only human, they aren't any better then anyone else they just have talent. Most bands don't like being treated like they are any different then you and I but people are too caught up in thinking they are some sort of Gods to realize that the guys in these bands aren't any different then them. It was so good just chatting with Trevor (lead singer of krutch) and talking about normal everyday things instead of OH my goodness I love your band and bla bla bla bla bla. Needless to say it was good times.

Well that’s all for now but just try and remember to be positive even when you feel like crap and when you feel like no one cares... someone does.. God cares and loves you (sounds cheesy and like the perfect Sunday school answer but it's true) and the next time you are in a bad mood think about how that isn't making you feel any better and think about how it effects the people around you. It will make you feel worse in the end because most people generally don’t like hanging out with someone who is grumpy and hates the world. Just something to think about, well that’s it for now.

No-L

a good thing

2005-09-23T20:20:00.000-07:00

Well I came home today to a very pleasent letter from my boss this summer. Possibly the best reference letter I have ever gotten. It's amazing when I think back to the summer when all I did was my job without complaint... and everyone praised me for it... granted my job was rough and I didn't have too many good things to say about it but I definatly didn't think that I went beyond the call of duety in any way shape or form. however my boss seems to think I did.

I am really happy because I think that I made an impact on the people that I worked with. This week we had a mamorial service for one of my friends from last year who passed away suddenly this summer. It was an amazing service and celebration of life. It really got me thinking... what would people say if I suddenly passed on... would people remember me, would they even care if I was gone... would they do something huge to remember me? how would they remember me would I be "that girl in my class" "that girl who lead worship" or would I be "Noelle that girl that impacted my life in so many ways" I really don't know, I try my best to be someone that people can talk to and look up to and I really hope that I am. But I still can't help thinking that there is so much more that I could be doing.

Just some things to think about

No-L

Once again, I suck at Posting!

2005-09-19T12:13:00.000-07:00

ya ok... it's been a while. Lucky not many people look at my blog so not many notice it's been a while.

This year I have a whole new outlook on life! I have goals that I've set for myself where as other years I never even bothered to set goals. My main goal this year is to figure out who I am, last year I realized a lot of things about myself that I didn't know. It kind of made me realize how obliviouse I really am, I usually have no idea whats going on and when I do have an idea no one takes the time to listen to what I have to say anyway, so I just shut it and wait for some time alone when I can talk it through myself. I'm really upset with myself about a lot of things, for instance how I just don't get things, everyone else seems to know what they are talking about but I have a hard enough time figureing out the small things. I dunno can't really explain. But to say the least I'm bound and determined to figure myself out so that I can start to figure others out aswell. it'll be hard but I'm going to try... and I don't feel like typing anymore so...

No-L

2005-08-31T12:51:00.000-07:00

This is one of the girls that I took car of at camp isn't she cute

2005-07-23T16:05:00.000-07:00

This is my new hair lol.. Thanks dee!!!

2005-07-23T09:28:00.000-07:00

Ok long story all I'll say is that this is my new car. I know it's ugly eh, lol.

Ok... It's been a while

2005-07-02T21:53:00.000-07:00

I realize that I havn't writen in my blog for a long time, but I do have a good reason. I have been extremely busy with work, This summer I am working as a flagger (Traffic Control, Construction) Anyway I do that Monday from 8am-7pm Tuesday-Thursday from 7am-7pm and Friday from 7am- 2:30pm. I only get 2 15min breaks (1 at the beginning of the day and one at the end) and a 30min break for lunch(unpaid). It's $10/hour which is less then I thought I would be getting and less then most other flaggers get paid (in t-dot it's about $17/h and North a bit further I heard it's in the 20s) But all in all it's about $2,000 a month, which is ok, better then any other job around here for the most part. I find it really boring and sometimes I just feel like throwing the sign and running away, however I havn't yet, I will be finished at the end of July though, need to have a bit of a break. So ya thats the Job side of things.

Onto other things. I mentioned before something about possibly recording with PneumatiK (Craig, lol). Anyway after talking to Mark, my hairdresser and major connection, I found out that this Recording thing is pretty much for sure and once we think we are ready and we have enough songs then we can basically just go and do it (at Metalworks in Missisauga, don't know if I said that in another blog, don't remember). So it's all very exciting, but I'm still not going to get my hopes too high, just cuz.

In the Spring.. oh yes, the spring. No idea what I'm doing then, think I might go back to Heritage and take a couple of courses there while doing some sort of internet course of corospondence to get my EA (educational Assistent) But I really don't know, I've emailed someone to try and figure stuff out and I'm working it through I'll let you know when I know for sure.

Well thats it for now, I think you've been officially updated. I'll try and write more often,

No-L

Soon Be home

2005-04-24T20:04:00.000-07:00

Well another year is coming to a close. My last 2 exams are tomorrow and I have studied my guts out so I hope I pass them, though that doesn't usually seem to be the case. However I am still very please about my year here at Heritage, even though I may not have gotten the best marks and I may not have passed everything however, I tried my hardest and I am ok with how it turned out. Besides I have learned more this year than I think I have in my entire life combined, I know more about myself and who I really am. I also learned more about God and how to build a better relationship with him.

This summer is going to be an interesting one, I am hoping to get a job in construction I might find out tomorrow if I will get the job or not. If I do get this job I have the possibility of making up to $10,000 this summer, which would mean that i could pay off almost all of my debt, which would be amazing. So I'm pretty pumped about that, plus I found out that it is just up the road from where I live, which means no long drives to work WOOHOO... so it'll be good if it works out, please pray that it does.

Also some other exciting news from is that this summer our band "PneumatiK" may get the chance to record at Metalworks studio(8 of the Grammy award winners recorded there) in Missisauga, it is still in the works and nothing is final but we hope that it does work out for us, we just need to do a lot of practicing between now and then but it's all looking pretty good so far. woo... so pumped

Tomorrow after my exam I'm going to Deni's house in Toronto, I'm so excited! We are probably just going to chill for the first night than on Tuesday we might go to Casa loma (the castle where X-men was filmed) and tour around it with Craig and possibly Val.. than we might go to a movie or something, I'm excited. Then on wednesday it's to the Zoo and Blue Jays game woohoo.. so much fun, than back to school till the 30th when I will be singing in a double trio at grad and then headin back to my little town up north where I will remain for the summer. Still not sure what I'm going to do next year, well that’s all for now, I'll keep you posed about the Job and the recording thing.

Later,

No-L

2005-04-18T13:48:00.000-07:00

just had to put this picture on... it's toooo cute... I bought her the sweater and hat... what a Cutie

2005-04-18T13:46:00.000-07:00

my roomates sister came up to stay for the weekend, and she brought her baby.. this is Savannah, aint she cute, she is all smiles!

Life

2005-04-17T17:19:00.000-07:00

Alright so life for me lately has been a little crazy, I had about 5 assignments due in 1 week and one of them was 10 pages... so I've been a little stressed, I still have to finish my take home exam for my children's literature class... which is 3 short essays (yikes... like i need any more of those). Anyway so that is stressing me out a little... and I have to finish my paperwork for my field education class (I hate paper work)..

Another wonderful thing has happened (NOT) I have found out recently that I cannot transfer into the course that I want to for next year because my marks first semester were so low... However I might be able to work out a way to still do the classes for the program ... 4 of my classes from last year are able to transfer into the program that I want to go into, so this is great. I am hoping that it will help me stay caught up in the program if all works out.

Other than that stuff I am still doing well, trying to figure out what I want to do in the summer, I will hopefully be working construction for the first 2 months and than working at camp for the final 2 months...if all goes well that would be great! besides that I have no clue

Well that’s about it, I do believe you are now caught up see ya

No-L

2005-04-05T21:08:00.000-07:00

and this is my "Rocker" picture :D, gotta love spring and wind!!

2005-04-05T21:06:00.000-07:00

Today was Spring ... I was happy... it was also windy... and apparently according to my friend Marissa this is my... "i'm too sexy and cool for you!" picture lol. So much Fun

2005-03-30T09:48:00.000-08:00

This past weekend my dad took some pictures of craig and I for our website, this is my favorite fun one! two thumbs up for my dad!

Update

2005-03-20T11:10:00.000-08:00

I have grown quite fond of my new dew, it just takes a lot of work each morning to make it look good, but I don't mind. School is almost over and pretty soon the work is going to start piling on, not excited. I have a feeling I am going to get very stressed out in the next few weeks, but I hope that I can handle it.

Hmm.. lets see, what else is new... Oh Craig has been working on a web site for our band "PneumatiK" and it is now up and running, you can check it out at www.pneumatik.tk ... I think it rocks (good Job Craigor).

Easter is coming up, I am soooo excited, I think it's going to be a blast! Craig, Phil, Leanne and I are going to all be heading up north on thursday, Craigs going to stay at my place and Leanne will stay at Phils (for obvious reasons), and Craig and I are hopeing to write some more songs and work on our old ones....SOooo Pumped!

On the sadder side of things a close friend of our family, Nada Vaughan, Passed away the other day, she has had cancer for a while and though we praise God that her suffering is at an end and she is with him now we are still going to miss her, so if you could pray for their family that would be great.

Hope you all have a great day, and if I don't post before Easter I hope you have a great one! chow

Noelle

2005-03-17T10:51:00.000-08:00

needed to put this somewhere

2005-03-16T21:07:00.000-08:00

new hair

Hair Fixed a bit

2005-03-02T19:07:00.000-08:00

Well funny story I went upstairs to give Deni her notes back and when I went in the room a friend of Deni's roomate was there and it just so turns out that she is a hair dresser.... so, she fixed my hair and now it is better than it was, I'm still not too happy because it wasn't what I wanted but I can deal with the way it is now. but ya thats my story, see ya

Excitement turned to tears

2005-03-02T18:23:00.000-08:00

So I was extremely excited about getting my hair cut today, I mean I was really pumped, I had it all planned out and knew exactly how I wanted it to look... and than... du du DU... I HATED IT.... I mean I really really really don't like it the dye is ok in it (I streaked it black underneath) but even that didn't turn out how I wanted it, you can hardly even tell it's there... but the cut, sucks! I actually cried, and if you know me you know I DON'T cry. Anyway I'm just starting to get over it, I'm going to try and get my roommate to fix it a bit later on. I will write and tell you how it goes. bye

2005-02-20T22:04:00.000-08:00

pic 2 from coffee house

2005-02-20T21:57:00.000-08:00

pic 1 from coffee house

Coffee House

2005-02-17T17:43:00.000-08:00

Well Let me tell YOU... the Coffee House was Great.... I had so much fun . I was really nervous at first actually I was fairly nervous the whole night it was great.

I invited friends of mine from a band formerly known as One Cross (now known as Manic Drive) Michael and Shawn to come and give an announcement about their up and coming CD release party (April 2nd) and I convinced them to do a song as well... it went really well, though I was a little more nervous with them there but all in all it went pretty good, my voice was a little shaky, but I guess it's to be expected.

Anyway another friend of mine Ryan came it was cool seeing him again too, so ya it was Good Times.

Once again at the coffee house there was a few crazy kids from my school doing some crazy things.... like for example smashing a keyboard with a sledge hammer.... you know the normal stuff... lol it was great.

All in all I can't wait until the next coffee house it's going to be SOOO much fun... YAY

Chow

No-L

P.S: I'm in a good mood today hence the writing in caps and exaggerating! :D

Update

2005-02-13T10:09:00.000-08:00

Well in the past while I've gotten the flue, gotten over the flue, gone on a 7 day diet for 3 days, started lent (no snacking), and fasted for 24hours... Not to mention been bored out of my mind and finished all of my homework for next week early so that I could have a work free weekend.. which is just turning out to be boring.

This week we have a coffee house that I am stoked about, it should be so much fun! Some friends of mine are comeing to it and I'm so excited, but nervous at the same time, we are doing one of my songs and we havn't done one of mine yet so it's really exciting. Anyway I better get going, just thought I would leave a quick update, chow

No-L

Stuff

2005-01-30T09:20:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my Volleyball tournament... It sucked, we lost almost all of our games accept the one against Tyndale (thank goodness) since Tyndale is our "rival" school it's good that we at least beet them, anyway we were playing well and everything I don't really understand why we didn't win. Anyway that kinda made me in a grumpy mood, but oh well.

So Today, I'm not sure what my plans are but I do know that I have to finish my homework for my Post-Exilic History and Prophets class... I have an assignment due! Not Excited

Ok well your updated my task is done, see ya

No-L

2005-01-27T15:04:00.000-08:00

needed to put this somewhere...again

I Sleep With One Eye Open...

2005-01-25T10:10:00.000-08:00

You know that saying "I sleep with one eye open" well funny story... Thismorning when my roomate woke up she noticed that one of my eyes was opened a little, so she went over to me and put her face right next to mine and I didn't flinch so she waved her hand infront of my face and I still didn't flinch. So she was a little creeped out, however the strange part is... your probably thinking that so ya my eye was open a little the white of my eye must have been showing, but no your wrong... It was my pupil that was showing.

I figure this means I'm meant to be some sort of body guard or something, lol. Anyway just thought I would write this since I think it is SOOOO cool! well catch ya later, and.....I'm Watching You!!!

No-L

Times Change

2005-01-23T20:12:00.000-08:00

Once again I find that I have surprised myself. I have a new train of thought and I'm determined that this one won't Derail! Since my gain in confidence I have come to realize many other things about life. The biggest thing that I think I have realized is that I shouldn't worry about the future, I always used to tell other people to just live every day as it comes and I have always tried to do the same thing unsuccessfully. I'm not really too sure what the confidence thing has to do with coming to realize that I don't have to worry about anything, of course I don't really know how it connected to reading better or understanding more things either, but never-the-less it helped in all of these areas. I am now living each day as it come, I mean sure I get worried sometimes and I do wonder what the future holds for me. But I don't stress over it much anymore. I know that God has a plan and whatever happens happens... as long as I live my life for him... I'll be alright!!!

I am really happy where I am right now, The only thing that I get concerned about sometimes is what I will do next year I really want to come back to Heritage but I'm not sure what I would do, I don't want to be away from my friends and I really do love it here. I love being surrounded with people who love me, and having the opportunity to worship God all the time. My song writing has improved by leaps and bounds since I came here and I am just loving every part of my experience. But since I failed a class last semester it would be difficult for me to get a degree without being here for an extra year, and I can't graduate this year because I failed a class... so I am stuck. But I am trying to let God just take over, I know he'll help me do what is best for me.

Sometime I don't know what to do with myself, I have all these amazing friends and I still find myself feeling alone at times. I know that I don't need to be with anyone right now, and that I need God to complete me. This was something that I realized a bit ago. I think that God wants me to be satisfied just with him right now, he doesn't want me to feel like I need to be in a relationship because he needs me to know that all I need is him, and that he should be number 1 in my life, and I know that if I was dating someone I would not spend as much time with him at this point because I am just starting to get to know him.

This year with all the things that have changed I have noticed one thing about my friends from high school... they never really cared about me, I mean yes the odd one did but for the most part it was just a big clan of back-stabbers and anoyences. I feel like I still need to keep in touch with them however even when I try to it seems like they aren't even the slightest bit interested in getting back in touch with me. So I give up. However for some there is still hope, I will continue to encourage and try to say the occational 'hey, how are ya?' to them and I'll let them decide if I'm worth the few minutes of their time that it takes to say the simple answer to a much asked question.

Well thats about it for the night. I'll try to blog again soon, Sorry for the Random thoughs

chow

~Noelle~

In My Opinion

2005-01-15T18:51:00.000-08:00

Recently I have been doing a lot better. I had a conversation with a friends of mine, Ryan and Deni, and it went really well. To explain exacly what happened may be hard so I'm only going to give you a summed up version

So we talked and came to the conclution that I needed to accept who I am in God's eyes, to see myself as he sees me. Most of you probably know that I have very low confidence and I am generally not used to complements at all, anyway I guess I had to realize that God thinks that I am smart, kinda, talented, etc. Which is something that I didn't really accept before. But through a lot of prayer and determination I was able to accept these things. Once I accepted these things I found that my mind was freer and that I could think more clearly, this might not make sence to some of you but it's true. Anyway all in all I am more confident now and I am working on the other aspects of my life, such as gaining an opinion Before I never really had my own opinion I usually just agreed with everyone. And I didn't have the motivation to even figure out what I belived but now I have this drive to figure things out, it's great, it's not going to be easy but I am praying that I will get through it. And in my Opinion I will.

No-L

Positive

2005-01-12T19:05:00.000-08:00

My next post WILL be Positive!!

No-L

Down

2005-01-10T21:23:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling kinda down today, don't really know why. I went to the movies and it was fun and all but I can't figure out why I'm not feeling happy or even just ok. I tried to cheer myself up but it just seems like it's worthless... I'm not depressed or anything, not yet at least. But if there is one thing I'm scared of... it's that! I'm sure I'll be ok, thats what I'm going to tell myself anyway. Just need to find my place... not sure I know where that is right now. I will continue to try and keep smiling, wish I knew how to let my gard down.

I am also feeling lonely lately. But the thing is I know that right now is not the time for me to find someone. I need to figure out who I am before I am ready to be with someone else. I get confused enough, it would be hard to deal with confusing another person. So it seems like no matter how much I want to have someone to hold me and be close to, I'm not going to look and if God brings someone into my life than I will have to deal with it as it comes. Right now I just wish I could think clearly, it seems like it's getting worse. It's very scary, but hopefully everything will work out in the end!

No-L

Time

2005-01-09T22:00:00.000-08:00

So I realize that time can heal... and that seems to be what most people are replying to my previous post! I know that I will get over this soon, or eventually. However I can't stop feeling that it's just the way that I am and that there will be no way for me to get over it. I am very clueless to most things in life, not matter how hard I try not to be. And I don't trust people, not most of them at least, whenever I walk out of a room I think people are talking behind my back relentless of how good of a friend they are. However I will continue to pray about it and I hope that you will too. Thank you for your support

No-L

Out Loud

2005-01-04T01:12:00.000-08:00

Recently I have come to the conclution that I have no idea who I am... I mean I know my name and where I'm from but any deeper than that, I couldn't tell you!

Life has thrown some crazy curves at me, getting depressed last year has turned out to be something that I really needed to happen. I didn't realize how little I knew about myself and how little I know about things that are around me. There is something in me that shuts down completely whenever someone tries to get close, and it's not even that I won't let people try to get close, the part that is scary is that I don't notice that I'm shutting down.

I have Walls up, I don't know where they came from or how to get rid of them but they are definately there.

I don't argue unless it has something to do with me.

I don't know politics, and I couldn't debate if my life depended on it

I don't know how to be a good friend, because apparently most of my friends don't know eather

I can never sit and listen to a prof. and know what they are talking about, even if they are talking about the simplest things, I don't understand and when I try to my brain shuts down like it's on overload or something.

I only wish that I had an opinion on ANYTHING but simple things no one cares about anyway.

I wish I could feel... to cry when I'm sad, to be anything but a fake sort of happy that I don't even know when I am actually happy and acctually feeling nothing at all.

When I look at my future I see nothing, how can I move on when I don't even know who I am now.

Even in my devotions when I try to get close to God, I don't feel him, I try, but I don't have the motivation to draw neer to him, when people cry at easter and when they feel him, I can't understand I know that God did a lot for me but I don't feel it in my heart. When I sing is the only time I feel close to him, and most of the time I think that that is acctually just my enjoying the music.

I don't know where this life is taking me, but I do know one thing, I am going to figure myself out, eventually I will be someone that I would be proud of, I need to overcome this, satan has had his grip invisibly on me for too long, but I see it now, and I WILL beet him... I just don't know how.

Thank you God for my Friends!!

No-L

Another year has past

2005-01-03T11:43:00.000-08:00

Florida was alright, the weather was bad for the most part but it was fun to be somwhere that there wasn't snow! but I was very happy to get home.

This past week Deni, Ryan, and Craig were at my place and it was awsome.. it was so cool just to have some friends around (since in Haliburton there is no one) I really really enjoyed my time with them!

I'm looking forwards to this coming semester there are a lot of classes that I think I might do well in. cource ya never know. But anyway just thought I would do a little update, I don't have much time so I'll write later

chow

No-L

Last post for a while

2004-12-14T18:48:00.000-08:00

This will probably be my last post for a couple weeks because I have my last exam thursday than I am off to Florida for a week than I'll be busy with friends that are coming to visit (yay) for new years! and so on and so forth, but I'm sure I will have a lot to write after that excitement.

I'm really excited about next semester, it's going to be so much fun... I am looking forwards to my classes (they sound more amusing than this semester's classes) and I will be doing a ton of recording, with Ryan, can't wait. I'm probably going to be getting an unfinished copy of his CD so I can practice over the break! And I'm not sure what else is going to happen but never-the-less I'm excited.

I'm loving the fact that I actaully have some really good friends now, like people who actually care about me, attempt to make contact with me, and enjoy hanging out with me. I remember a bunch of my friends who I had to put all of my energy into the relationship and even when we did get together I was always shafted, or treated like I wasn't even there or that whatever I said didn't matter. I mean I always had the occational friend that actually liked me for who I was, but this is even differnet from that, mainly because they actually show me how much they care for me instead of only being there when I really need them to be. So ya it's good

Well happy Holidays to all of you (if anyone even reads this) hope you have a great Christmas and a Happy New Year... I know I will do my best too.... :D chow

No-L

Life as it Goes

2004-12-12T21:31:00.000-08:00

I was sitting in the recording studio at my school with one of my best buddies' Deni and her boyfriend, Ryan (another good friend of mine) was recording. Anyway long story short after he was done recording some vocals he asked the guy doing the recording(the one who was mixing and stuff) if he could record me doing some harmonies... you must know that he never mentioned anything to me about it until that moment. Anyway so I was all shocked and stuff but it was fun, I didn't really know the songs (because they were Ryan's own songs) so I had to take a CD with the song on it home and practice and we will be recording sometime this week. So that’s exciting!

I hate exams... and thats my story

No-L

Excitement and Exams

2004-12-11T11:18:00.000-08:00

Latley I have found myself feeling much happier and a bit better about myself and I'll tell you why, the last little while I have made friends with the 2 most amazing people they are always there for me and they are just so encouraging and awsome, and the funny thing is that they are practically ingaged, but I don't really feel like a third wheel I mean somtimes I know they need their space and stuff but other than that it's all fun and stuff... anyway it's really cool. And there are some exciteing things happening with that. OK thats enough about that

So exams are coming up... ick.... I am trying to study lots and stuff but none of it seems to process but I am praying lots about it and hopfully I will make it through and pass everything. But if I don't I know that I tried my hardest and that maybe God has other plans for me.

Well I think thats about it for now but keep checking and I will try to update this more often... which will be easier when I have interenet on my computer!

No-L

Lack of Liquid eyes

2004-12-05T11:38:00.000-08:00

Ok so usually it doesn't bother me that much that I lack the abuility to cry. But lately it's really gotten on my nerves.. it's like I just need to get the feelings out so that I can move on... I'm not extreamly sad or anything right now, in fact I'm quite content. But it bothers me that even if I do need to cry... I can't. I just "finished" (and I " that because a song is never finished) and it's all about how I wish I could show my pain and cry but I can't.

Ever So Gently (working title)

This ocean's been dry too long

These tearless eyes can only look on

This feeling of brokeness

is marked with your blood

How-I-Long to show my pain

This bottle will be shattered again

What less could I have to hold

My fearless heart is to bold

But still your hand in mine

Ever so Gently, Ever so Gently

Break me, Break me ever so gently

quench this thurst(repeat)

let tears stain these cheeks once again

This mind is a timebomb
It's seems so hard just to hold on
How long till I break these chains
Walk free from this game

Am I week if I cry
if you make me will I die
What has this world to gain
From this shadow sustained

So ya... it's not quite done and probably needs a few changes but thats the basic idea of it. I think I might like this one... chances are probably not, but I'll give it a try.

Thats enought about that, exams are coming up soon I'm Soooo NOT excited... at all. I think I will need to try and get a lot of sleep next week and study whenever I'm not sleeping.

Candice might come visit on monday that would be awsome, I really hope that it works out I havn't seen her in ages... and we have A LOT of catching up to do.

well thats about it, have a good day and keep checkin' in

No-L (the song isn't separating properly so if it doesn't make sence thats why... unless it's just on my computer)

Another stressful week

2004-11-28T13:32:00.000-08:00

Lately my weeks have been getting more and more stressful as I go. I can't wait till Christmas break, when there are no assignments due and no tests to study for, my brain is on overload. It's an interesting thing, my brain that is, it's like no matter how hard I try to think and to be able to comprehend the world around me I am still unsuccessful. For instance this week I had a test on Monday I studied all weekend for it and when I got to the test I couldn't remember a thing, my brain just doesn't retain the information. Even when I'm actaully interested in what I'm learning I still have no clue when it comes to actually having to use the information that I learned at one point. To explain my brain to you would be pointless, there really is no explanation other than to say that I have to work a lot harder than a lot of people in order to just pass, let alone get good grades. Even after a test it's not like I can just relax because my brain is drained for the rest of the week and I can't study or work or think untill I clear the information out of my head. I think I've come to the conclution that my brain capassity is very low. It's weird because I find that in some areas I am a really good thinker but none of those areas are anything that you do in school and even if they are I blank out whenever I would get the chance to use them. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to keep going and let God show me what he wants me to do with the little brain power that I do have. Another thing is singing, this weekend I helped my buddy craig out with the youth service at his church, I sang with him. Anyway afterwords I heard a recording of it and I still can't believe how bad I sound (to myself) like when I was singing I actually thought I was doing a really good job but than when I heard it I cringed because it sounded so awfull, I am almost at the point where I just want to stop singing all together, it's imbarrassing when in your head you sound good but what other people are hearing actually sounds like crap. I know most people say this for attention but I really mean it the only reason I enjoy singing it to worship God and that is why I will continue to sing and write, some other people say that they like my voice and I'm glad that they enjoy it, at least someone does. Anyway thats enough of the negative, I'm going to stop writing for the day since negative seems to be my mood at the moment, keep checkin in, and I'll try to keep this updated.

No-L

Once again I wrestle with my computer

2004-11-21T22:24:00.000-08:00

well as you can probably tell from the title my internet is down again so I've taken over my roomates computer to blog my little heart out. Hope you appreciate this :)... anyway so the past little while not a lot has happend other than that I figured out that I don't like the guy I was persueing romantically but we're awsome friends and I'm happy with that. Our "band" had a preformance (1 song) this week for chapel and it went really well except my voice was dead and I couldn't hit all the notes but he sounded good so thats a good thing. Anyway another friend of ours who is recording a CD has asked us if we would be a guest on it, he's giving it out to a bunch of people (like trying to showcase his talent.. and he's got it) and he's going to put our contact info and stuff on the CD too so that will be awsome, maybe this band (PneumatiK) is going somewhere... guess we'll find out. Oh and we now have a drummer for our band... now all we need is a bass player and an electric guitar player or possibly a pianist instead, eather way it's workin the way it is so far so thats good. This wednesday there is a coffee house and we're doing another song for it, a song I wrote. It will be our first time doing one of my songs so I'm quite excited. But thats enough about that, moving on to other things. I have a test for Old Testement Survey tomorrow and it's going to be killer, I'm not excited at all. But I'm skipping my morning class to study so hopfully I will do well, though that doesn't seem to be how it usually goes but oh well. Thats basically it other than missing some of my friends, makeing new awsome amazingly cool friends, and doing music stuff... OH and volleyball (we beet Tyndale Saterday...woohoo!!) anyway ya thats about it. I'll try to keep my blog updated more... hopfully I'll get my internet back soon. Thanks for stoppin by. keep checkin, bye

No-L

2004-11-07T20:34:00.000-08:00

Zack and his "pet" lol j/k Denielle and Zack

2004-11-07T13:31:00.000-08:00

zack again... Can I keep him?

2004-11-07T13:30:00.000-08:00

This is my friend Zack... oh how scared I look... ... ... ya... :P

2004-11-03T17:55:00.000-08:00

just thought I would add a fun picture... and oh how fun it is...

Yes I am still alive!!!

2004-11-02T07:51:00.000-08:00

Well it's been a while since I have written life for me lately has been crazy busy! Not to mention that my internet has been down AGAIN and my computer is messed. So whats goin on with me... well lately I have been getting to know this amazing guy, Craig, so there have been a few late night convorsations in the brisk nights but they have been good. I am still not sure where I stand with him, as in weather I can see myself dating him for sure yet. I guess you could say I'm having a few doubts and don't want to get into a relationship with someone if eather one of us is going to end up getting hurt. But for now we're just talking and staying friends untill I get it all figured out.

Another thing that is on my mind is that I need to talk to my X and tell him that I really don't think we can be friends right now... basically because any time that I'm with him or talk to him I get angry and frustrated. So my task for the next couple weeks is figureing out a day when he can come here and talking to him about it ... which is EXTREAMLY difficult for me! but I can't just do it on the phone or email/MSN too many important things are said like that.

Ok and on to school ... ya school.. hmmm well it's been really busy lots to do I had a test yesterday that i stressed over like crazy and now that it's over my brain is in slow-mo right now but it is slowly recovering! Craig helped me study all day sunday (and he doesnt even have that class ) so that was amazing! Well I think thats about it. I'll try and update this more often. and maybe I'll put some more pictures on too. keep checkin in

No-L

The need for time alone

2004-10-17T20:50:00.000-07:00

Well... This is how it goes, at the moment I fell like I am overloaded with thoughts. I just feel like everything is happening at once. I need time alone but I can't find any. There are so many things going on, between homework and mid-terms is enough. There is always noise, there is always work, there is also always the confusion of who I like and who I don't (romantically). At the moment I don't actually like anyone, nor do I want to. I need time to get close to God and to just be. However I am starting to get to know someone who I think may have feelings for me, he's fun to hang out with and I love to talk with him but I just don't know if I feel the same, well at the moment I don't, so I'm takeing it slow, just trying to keep controll of my emotions, I am a LOT more cautious than I ever would have been had I not dated a certain guy in my past. But I am mess right now because i'm so confused and I'm not making sence, so I'm going to stop typing for now, I think I need to go and cry (if only I could) keep checking in, and pray for me.

Noelle Johnson

2004-10-14T11:12:00.000-07:00

the airplain's shadow surrounded by a rainbow

2004-10-14T11:11:00.000-07:00

above the clouds

2004-10-14T11:07:00.000-07:00

2004-10-14T11:06:00.000-07:00

this is craig and i at the coffee house

Busted Computer

2004-10-14T11:01:00.000-07:00

This computer keeps freezing whenever I try to write a blog so I'm going to make this short and hopfully it will let me post it.

The coffee house was last night, and craige and I sang in it I think it went fairly well it was fun anyway.

This weekend I got to come back to school in an airplain and I drove it for 1 hour, it was fun I got to go through a hole in the clouds as I decended from 4.5 thousand feet to 3 thousand feet. I loved it.

well it's short and sweet but I know this computer is going to freeze any minite so thats all I've got, keep checkin in

No-L

Homeward Bound

2004-10-08T08:40:00.000-07:00

Well it's the start of the long weekend for me (I have no classes on fridays) and I'm getting all ready to head home again, I think this weekend will be better than last, just because I know that some of my friends will be home and I always like seeing old friends, this Saterday will be a blast, every year we have a football game with a group of people from my church and just anyone else who decides to show up, it's nothing formal but it's fun and we don't play touch so thats good. Anyway on to the food.... oh the food. I enjoy eating at thanksgiving however it is also something I am dreding, in my attempt to loose weight special occations like thanksgiving and christmas never help very much. At all! But oh well maybe this year I will be good, and only eat what I need instead of just packing it in... mmmm... but it's sooo good. Oh well life goes on I guess. Well thats about it for today, hope all of you have a great Thanksgiving. Keep checkin!

No-L

2004-10-06T21:12:00.000-07:00

so my roomates decided to fight on my bed in order to talk to one of my friends on msn, it was fun times, for them, but it cut down my time for talking to them lol but it was funny, and here they are

2004-10-04T22:09:00.000-07:00

and another fun shot for the road, keep checkin!

2004-10-04T22:08:00.000-07:00

We had a formal Dinner tonight with all of the girls in rez, my roomate and I decided that we didn't like dressing up and we were going to go in our PJs but decided this would be more fun... so here we are!

2004-10-03T18:56:00.000-07:00

me and my brother (just thought I'd throw this in)

2004-10-03T18:54:00.000-07:00

the bride and groom

2004-10-03T18:49:00.000-07:00

a picture of me and the blushing bride(Patty)

A Weekend Home

2004-10-02T20:31:00.000-07:00

Well this weekend has been pretty good. I had to come home for a wedding, which turned out really well I was glad to see that the Bride (who had, within the last few years, been greiving the death of her last Fience, who had died in a freek ice climbing accident) really happy and totally at peice (the guy she met is perfect for her).

I had to dress up in a skirt and halter top which was very interesting, I tend to NOT wair dressy cloths, but I got lots of compliments so it wasn't all that bad, however I wasn't all that comfortable.

Anyway I have church in the morning and than I am not sure when we are going to be able to go back to school, I hope as soon as possible. But for now I'll just enjoy my huge bed and comfy home sweet home (even though I miss school) well thats about it, keep checkin' in.

No-L

A Missed Post

2004-09-28T15:47:00.000-07:00

Well I wrote a post on here a few days ago but I just realized that it actually isn't on here so I guess I'll re-write what was on it so you know what the pictures I've been putting on are all about. This weekend I went with a good friend of mine to a waterfall it was amazing, sooo beautiful the pictures definatly don't do it glory, and after the waterfall (which we were at almost all day, and I could have sat there for a year and just looked at it) we went to a lookout which was almost equally gorgeouse. I could have honestly sat there all night and not said a word. So I think I've found my favorite place to be (so far). So anyway the pictures of me are from when I got my hair died for the first time on sunday night. any other day I probably wouldn't have gone for it but I was feeling brave soI went for it, I think I like it but I'm still not sure anyway theres pictures of it, let me know what you think. And thats about it, keep checkin in

No-L

2004-09-27T13:56:00.000-07:00

My hair is no longer ALL Blond!!!

2004-09-27T11:31:00.000-07:00

stripes

2004-09-27T09:51:00.000-07:00

gotta love it

2004-09-27T09:50:00.001-07:00

behind the scenes

2004-09-27T09:50:00.000-07:00

Gods promise appears in the mist

2004-09-27T09:49:00.001-07:00

another fun shot

2004-09-27T09:49:00.000-07:00

Gods glory never ceases to amaze me

Morning doesn't do it

2004-09-24T06:23:00.000-07:00

I have decided that I really can't function in the morning, at volleyball practice I found that eather my feet weren't moving or my hands/arms weren't functioning, luckely it's not tryouts yet just fun stuff. Also only every other one of my serves went over the net it was really sad, and only 2 people from the guys teem showed up so I ended up being fairly embarassed, but it was fun anyway. My excuse was "uh ya 4 hours of sleep" anyway thats my story, keep checkin in

No-L

A Mistake in Comunication/ Thinking

2004-09-22T19:21:00.000-07:00

Well today I was shocked to hear that I don't actually have to go home this weekend therefor I gained a whole week, woohoo, and it's even better since I wasn't really looking forwards to going home yet, too many people to see places to go etc. and I LOVE it here. eather way it is good times. today was just another normal day nothing special happend. and thats my story

keep posted

No-L

2004-09-22T09:27:00.000-07:00

lost in thought

A day, and music

2004-09-21T18:22:00.000-07:00

Well today I had chapel in the morning and than after that I had lunch and than chapel team practice (once a week I will be leading worship at my school for chapel, most likely Wednesdays.) anyway moving on, those are the only 2 things I had to do today so the rest of the day I spent doing homework, napping, and talking on MSN. And now I'm listening to music, I love music, it seems to put me at rest and calm me. I have always enjoyed just listening to someone sing weather in person or just from a CD. I love figureing out what the words mean and why they are being sung the way that they are, I think thats one of the reason I enjoy writing music so much, It's my turn to make someone else wonder, speaking of writing songs, I think I have some inspiration, so I'm off to see what I can do, Keep checkin in

No-L

Quotes to inspire and encourage

2004-09-20T17:12:00.000-07:00

Looking through my agenda I came across a few quotes that I found very inspiring, so here we go

"The capacity to care is the thing which gives life it's deepest meaning and significance" - Pablo Casals

"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail" - George Bernard Shaw

"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world" - Buddha

"shoot for the moon if you miss you'll land amoung the stars" - Les Brown

"Use what talent you possess the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those who sang best" - Henry Van Dyke

"Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die life is a broken bird that cannot fly" - Langstone hughes

and now for some of my personal favorites...

"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people" - Victor Borg

"The true art of memory is the art of attention" - Samuel Jackson (This is me)

"A kind heart is a fountain of gladness, making everything in it's vicinity freshen into SMILES" - Washington Irving

Hope you enjoy those sayings, and remember "if you smile at life, it will smile back" - Me (I think)

Keep Checking

No-L

2004-09-19T21:40:00.000-07:00

Here is a front veiw of the hair... for all those who are confused!